The last few days

Sorry for no posts the last few days, it has been crazy with Thanksgiving and I have been tired once I have the chance to sit down....

So on the 21st we took 5 vials of Meropur.

The 21st was a little sad for me. I feel like the meds have made me a little emotional! I almost cried a few times and then would stop myself and laugh! Once I was about to cry thinking how great Cliff has been and how lucky I am to have such an amazing husband! He has been so supportive and praise the Lord for him because otherwise I don't know who would be giving me my injection each night :) no way could I do it myself! He really has been so supportive and we definitely have been through this journey together, open and honest! I tell him when I am feeling sad and he says no crying which sometimes still makes me cry but I end up smiling! I was also a little sad thinking about the date...if you remember the 21st was an important date, my due date for 2010. I was happy to not be too sad that day, I think I am so side tracked with my treatment and looking for a positive outcome I didn't think too much (I had actually prayed for this), which was a plus but it was still there...maybe after 2 years it is getting easier! It still hurts but I am hoping next year to have a sweet bundle of joy in my arms to enjoy. The strange thing is it automatically comes, even if I'm not aware of the date approaching I just feel this aching feeling and sadness come over me! That is when I have to tell Cliff and that is usually when I figure out that I am hurting over our loss. Ok so it wasn't too bad this year, I mainly only got teary eyed, thankful for this treatment distracting me. 

The 22nd we took 5 vials. This night Cliff had to stick me 3 times...ouch! The first time all the medicine wouldn't fit in the syringe, the second poke there was a bubble and he had to get that out, then it seemed the needle was dulling so it took two tries to stick me again but we got it!  

The 23rd we had an ultrasound at 0700 and blood work, it all took about 30 mins but getting up at 0545 to get ready and make it to the clinic on time isn't the most fun! They called that evening with the amount of medicine to take the next 3 days. 23rd and 24th, 5 vials and on the 25th only 4 vials. 

Last night we had 4 vials...we ran out of syringes but I went and bought some from one of the Italian grocery stores (I find it so strange that you can buy syringes in the grocery store but whatever it was convenient for me) so we used a 5ml syringe (that was all the grocery store had) which has a bigger needle, it's like the syringes we had been using to mix the meds and then change out the needle to the smaller one..but the 5ml worked fine. Today we may use the same if we don't meet Alessandra, she got us some small syringes from her work. 

This morning we had another ultrasound and more blood work. I was trying to pay attention to what they were saying...and I was trying to look at the ultrasound monitor. I can't really tell sizes on the monitor except it seemed my uterus looked bigger...I don't know why but it seemed to look bigger to me. I have no idea if it is suppose to be bigger or if it really even is! I am definitely no pro at reading the monitor! While I was listening to her say the ovary sizes I was noticing the left is bigger, or she said a bigger number, I think ha, maybe I only started paying attention when she went to the left side! Maybe my left one is doing better (pretty sure she said 7 and I don't know if that is the size of the ovary or how many follicles she was seeing but after that she was saying 12 and 14)...Anyway, I am very happy to be doing this in Italy! Not only are we able to seek treatment here but they seem awesome! And since I can't understand everything they are saying, I'm not asking a million questions, my mind is constantly running thinking about how everything is going and I am very calm! I go to my appointments, do the drill: bathroom to empty bladder, get ultrasound then blood work, wait 5 mins to make sure my arm stops bleeding then tell them I am ok and I leave! We wait for a phone call with the amount of meds we are suppose to take the next few days until our next ultrasound. I am beyond happy to be calm, I am just going with the flow of things, which I am loving because I know if I could understand everything they were saying I would be analyzing it and making myself worry! So this has been wonderful for me, I go to my appointment, take my meds and wait (surprisingly the waiting isn't bothering me) I am anxious to see how many follicles we get but since I don't really know any numbers from each ultrasound, or I'm not even sure what day we will go in for pick up, I am just going with the flow and praying for good results! I am not too anxious for the pick up or transfer either which surprises me! I was a little scared at first for those days, afraid it may hurt but I have this trick where if I don't think about things I don't worry about it so that is what I have been doing, putting it out of my mind and just going with the flow! This is usually hard for me to do but I have been doing it and lately when I think of pick up and transfer day I am excited, not scared or worried about pain! Mostly I am wondering what I will wear ha, yes what I will wear, they told me I need to bring a gown or pajamas and I haven't decided what that will be!  

I can't believe how calm I am!!!! Definitely feeling like prayers are helping me stay calm so if you are reading this...send up a prayer each day to keep this sense of calmness! And thank you! 

Today I also tried to pretend I was already on bed rest....it's hard! I was ok this morning because I was tired and the pups kept me company on the couch, we all took a nap! But when I woke up I was anxious to do something! It's probably from the coffee so I think I will have to cut coffee out (I only drink one cup a day) during the bed rest times (after pick up and transfer) and then maybe I will be ok with being lazy! Today I let Cliff take my car to work and I don't want to go anywhere but I decided I needed to give the shower a really good scrub down since I'm not suppose to be in too warm of water for long periods of times, that means no baths, and Cliff has decided since today marks the day he is suppose to start to prepare for pick up also he won't take any more baths either....both of us are only to take showers for the next few days (if you know us you know we both LOVE baths so this kind of stinks for us!) So I didn't want to drive the Jeep anywhere to get shower cleaner (mainly because I don't want to get out of the house), found an easy recipe online, mixed it up and sprayed the shower down! The homemade shower cleaner worked ok but not as well as I hoped...we use this really moisturizing shower geL and it builds up residue on the outside part of the shower floor where the shower curtain blocks the water from constantly hitting it to clean it and let it drain, so it cleaned the shower but I was hoping the residue would just melt away...didn't happen, I had to scrub a little. But I can't be doing anything like this when I am suppose to be on bed rest so lets again pray, pray that I can be calm and laziness can come over me while I need to be on bed rest!

Now we wait for the clinic to call with medicine amounts to take until Wednesday the 28th when we will have another ultrasound! 

I don't know what day pick up will be but I know we are getting close and I am getting excited! I think we are about half way there...so maybe only another week to wait before we know how many follicles we got! And then a few days wait to see how many we can implant!

I can't believe we are to this point! It seems like it took forever to get here! It has been a long road since we started this journey! Please pray for God to keep us calm and relaxed as we get farther into the treatment and really start the waiting game! ~ One day at a time!